Co-Regulating with your ADHD Child
What Does Co-Regulating Mean?
Co-regulating is a supportive process between two people that fosters the development of self-regulation skills. We are not born knowing how to soothe ourselves and count on parents and caregivers to help regulate our emotions while teaching us how to develop those skills on our own.
In infancy, the primary caregivers provide for the infant’s emotional balance. The caregiver learns the infant’s communication and responds to their negative emotions, building the framework for children to develop their own skills to cope with emotional distress.
Why Is Co-Regulating Important?
Co-regulation is an important part of helping children create calming connections and coping skills in their brains. Because our children with ADHD have slower developing frontal lobes, one of the executive functions they can struggle with is emotional regulation. This leads to the child needing the caregiver to continue assisting with co-regulation for longer than their neurotypical peers.
It is my belief that the emotional aspect of ADHD is not talked about nearly enough. Our kids with ADHD have all the same emotions as neurotypical kids, but often far more intensely or long-lasting. Our ADHD kids have trouble self-soothing for longer than neurotypical kids, they have trouble regulating their emotions, and putting them into words.
A parent who is connected to their child can use their body movements, position, tone of voice, and breathing to help center themselves and their child. Our nervous systems respond to the nervous systems of other people. This is an automatic survival response that occurs without us thinking about it.
A parent or caregiver can help their child co-regulate by creating a safe space for their child to have and process their emotions. Co-regulating effectively can help kids feel secure enough to learn and practice their own co-regulation skills. With connected support, our kids can learn how to handle their big emotions, navigate stressful events, and make healthier choices.
How Do We Start Co-Regulating?
Co-regulating with our ADHD kids starts with self-regulating ourselves. First we must learn to pay attention to our own feelings, thoughts, and grudges. Notice what’s happening in our own bodies – are my shoulders tense? am I clenching my jaw?
Self regulation while your child is having a meltdown or is bouncing off your very last nerve is not an easy task. As the adults, we need to access and use our coping skills to calm ourselves down enough to be able to respond to our child the way they need – calmly and compassionately.
If you feel dysregulated take a few moments to close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Ground yourself so you can anchor your child. Staying calm and regulated models to your child the best self regulating skills possible.
If you feel dysregulated take a few moments to close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Ground yourself so you can anchor your child. Staying calm and regulated models to your child the best self regulating skills possible.
More About Co-Regulating
That’s all I have time for today my friends. However – come back next month and I promise during the month of October I will drop a blog that as all the tips on co-regulating with your ADHD child. Until then if you need support – make sure to join the All Belong ADHD Community Real Chat to hang out with other ADHDers and people who love ADHDers.
If you need additional help, consider how partnering with me could help. As an ADHD Affirming Personal and Parent Coach who also happens to have ADHD who raised two adults with ADHD, I really do understand where you are. Consider booking a free 20 minute discovery session with me today to find out how we could work together. I hope you all have an amazing weekend!
Kat Sweeney, MCLC
ADHD Affirming Personal and Parent Coach
@RealChatWithKat
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