How To Talk To Your Child About Their ADHD Diagnosis
Parenting And Caregiving for Children with ADHD
If your child recently received an ADHD diagnosis, you may be wondering how to talk to them about their new diagnosis. You may have questions yourself, especially if ADHD isn’t something you’ve had a lot of experience with. Let’s chat about talking to your child about their ADHD diagnosis.
When – or if – to tell your child
I have worked with parents who were unsure if they should tell their child. That is, of course, a decision only you can make for your family. Many parents worry about what it might do if they put a “label” on their child. Will they be treated differently? Will they see themselves as “sick” or “stupid?”
I can’t answer the question for you. What I can do is tell you that your child most likely is already aware that they are somehow different than at least some of their peers. If they are struggling with executive functions – chances are they are already keenly aware that they can’t do something their peers can.
Imagine for a moment the confusion a child faces when they know something is wrong, but they don’t know what. What they do at that point, is make up what’s wrong with them. They decide that they are lazy or stupid or they become obsessive perfectionists who burn out easily.
On the other hand, when a child knows what is different, and that it isn’t because they are stupid, lazy, or a bad kid, it frees them up to learn to thrive with their ADHD.
Practical Tips for Explaining The ADHD Diagnosis
Every teen, and person, who has ADHD, struggles with some Executive Function Challenges. However, we all have areas of great strengths and weaknesses, and so none of these challenges are universally applicable to every ADHD teen.
- Age Appropriate Language – Make sure however you talk to your child about their ADHD diagnosis in a language that is appropriate to their age and their comprehension level. For younger children, you may want to use positive terms like “your brain works differently.” For older children and teens, you can be more detailed. You can use analogies they may understand to describe how ADHD impacts them. You can show them diagrams of the parts of the brain that are often impacted by ADHD.
- Normalize and Validate – Your child needs to know that ADHD is a common difference people have in the way their brain works. It’s common and many people they know, including people they admire, have ADHD. Validate their experiences by discussion what challenges they think may be having because of ADHD and how understanding their diagnosis will help them find ways to thrive with their ADHD.
- Focus On The Positive – Try to highlight the strengths that often come with ADHD like passion, spontaneity, problem solving skills, and creativity. If you can related it to your child specifically even better, “ADHD people are often very creative and you love to paint!”
- But Don’t Ignore The Challenges – While you want to focus on the positive, and the strengths, don’t ignore that the diagnosis also comes with some challenges and that some times it can feel very frustrating.
- Encourage Questions and Explain Help Is Available – Make sure you tell your child that they can come ask you questions any time they want. Tell them what other supportive people in their lives they can talk to – a teacher, an aunth who also has ADHD, a therapist, etc. Explain that while they may be having some struggles, there is lots of help available.
- Focus on collaborating together towards solutions, not “fixing.” ADHD is a part of who your child is. It’s not something to be fixed. It’s as much a part of them as whether they have red hair or are left handed. DIscuss how you will collaborate together to find strategies that work for your child and your family.
- Share your own diagnosis – if you also have ADHD or other neurodivergent brains, consider sharing that with your child. In an age appropriate way, let them see how you struggle AND how you succeed. The more normalized ADHD is, the less likely that they will grow up feeling broken.
Books that might help!
Boy With The Butterfly Mind – “Jamie Lee just wants to be normal, but his ADHD isn’t making it easy. If only he could control his butterfly mind he could live with his mom. Elin Watts just wants to be perfect. If she could be the best student and daughter possible, then maybe her dad would leave his new family and come back to live with Elin and her mom.”
Focused – “Clea can’t control her thoughts and it’s starting to be a problem. Not just in school but when she’s playing chess, or just hanging out with her BFF. Other kids are starting to notice, too. When Clea fails one too many tests, her parents take her to be tested, and she learns she has ADHD, which explains why her attention is all over the place instead of where it needs to be. Clea knows life can’t continue the way it’s been going. She’s just not sure how to fix a problem that’s all in your head. But that’s what she’s going to have to do, to find a way to focus.”
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If you would like help explaining to your child, or you have other questions or concerns, please consider booking a free no obligation discovery call with me today. Let’s chat!
Don’t Delay Joy
Kat Sweeney, MCLC