What exactly IS Masking?

In the context of ADHD and some other neurodivergent brains, masking is when we attempt to mimic neurotypical behavior.

This is a very common behavoir for people with ADHD that we often don’t even realize we are doing.

Some examples of how masking might show up are: 

• Excessive organization to hide disorganization
• Over-explaining
• People Pleasing
• Staying quiet in groups to avoid saying the “wrong” thing
• Not asking for support because we think we should’t need it
• Mimicking our peers facial expressions or language to fit in

Why do we do this masking?

People with ADHD grow up hearing exponentially more negative input from our parents, peers, and authority figures. 

“Sit still” “Act like a lady” “Be Quiet” “Unorganized” “Not living up to potential” …the list goes on and on. 

It’s something like 7-10 times more than our neurotypical peers. This leads to kids and adults feeling pressured to conform to neurotypical standards.

We fear being wrong, we fear being judged, we fear the stigma of our own struggles, and we have exxagerated responses to rejection or perceived rejection.

These fears and struggles lead us to start masking – working double or triple time to appear or react “typically”.

We have undoubtably been criticized or punished for ADHD related behavior that was mistaken for willfulness, confusion, or struggles with executive functions.

So we begin to try as hard as we can to “fix ourselves” by masking.

 

The struggle and hidden costs of masking

While we may succeed, at least for a while, of masking and appearing neurotypical, it comes with a price tag.

Here are a few examples of possible costs of masking

• Delayed diagnosis due to hiding our behaviors.
• Delayed self acceptance – by masking we give ourselves the message that we are broken.
• Burnout and exhaustion from the effort to appear “typical”
• Increased rates of anxiety and depression
• Struggles with self identity, self esteem, and self confidence
• Increased rates of self medicating with alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling or other dopamine-producing “fixes”
• Increased rates of self harm

 

 

Join me for a FREE Webinar 

 

Breaking Free: Understanding ADHD Masking and Finding Authenticity

 

February 15, 2025

 

In this free webinar you’ll discover how to identify your masks, understand their impact, and take your first steps toward unmasking safely and confidently. 

Check out all the details. 

The webinar is free but you must register!

 

Show Me The Details and Register Here