Newly Diagnosed With ADHD
Why Did No One Know?
Many, many people received new diagnosis of ADHD during the pandemic. And for many adults, the number one question that I hear is, “Why did no one know? Why did no one catch this? What about my parents, teachers, doctors?” So let’s chat about it.
You Are Not (or were not socialized as) A Little White Boy
Virtually 100% of all of the original studies regarding ADHD were done by studying the behavior of little white boys who had ADHD. This discounted the ways that ADHD may present differently based on gender, socialization, race, age, and much more.
For example – in many girls – hyperactivity occurs in the brain, as opposed to outward behavior. So a girl may appear calm, even distracted, when in reality they are exhausted from their racing thoughts. This lead to many girls underdiagnosed or misdiagnosed with things like anxiety, depression, or bipolar disorder.
While I can’t speak from personal experience about the experiences of ADHD BIPOC folks, I can say that studies show that kids who weren’t white were more likely to be considered problem children, disciplined for misbehaving or being willfully defiant, etc. as opposed to being accommodated for ADHD.
You Were High Achieving or Masked Very Well
I have SO many people, often women, tell me that their concerns about the possibility of having ADHD were dismissed because they did well in school, or graduated college, or were successful in their careers.
I have heard of people literally being told they could NOT have ADHD and have graduated college, or succeeded in any way, or even were very smart. ADHD doesn’t care about smart, in fact – studies show that folks with ADHD are statistically smarter then their neurotypical peers. But the myth remains that if you succeeded, you couldn’t possibly have ADHD.
The reality is, in many cases you learned to mask or accommodate your ADHD in ways that made you “appear” to be neurotypical or “having your crap together.” You likely spent MUCH more energy to achieve your accomplishments than your neurotypical peers.
You Got Older
Many people who have ADHD and were not diagnosed as children were able to get through school okay by masking and accommodating. However, as they get older, several things occur that may make their ADHD symptoms or executive function challenges more pronounced, leading to the seeking of the ADHD diagnosis.
Here are just a few reasons that people tend to start struggling later in life that could lead to a new ADHD diagnosis.
- The challenges of College.
- The challenges of entering the working world.
- The challenges of becoming a parent.
- The challenges of their child being diagnosed with ADHD.
- The challenges of dealing with a traumatic injury.
- The challenges of dealing with PMS, menopause, or other hormonal changes.
Knowing why you may have been misdiagnosed or not diagnosed at all is helpful for understanding, but it doesn’t mean that you don’t have some feelings about the situation.
It’s okay to wonder what life could have been life. It’s okay to feel frustrated or angry or hurt or whatever you happen to feel. Sometimes we need to mourn before we can move on.
If you’d like to talk more about making a plan to move forward – I invite you to book a free, no obligation 20 minute Discovery Call with me today. Let’s chat about releasing guilt, overcoming barriers, leaning into your strengths to thrive with ADHD.
Don’t Delay Joy
Kat Sweeney, MCLC
I tried to “be normal”(<—— hate this word, BTW) every time I entered a new chapter (joining the Air Force, starting & leaving many jobs, & being exposed to lots of social situations) of my life. Many times over the years when my “real self” came out, I felt I had to leave that experience. I didn’t always leave, but I am very glad to know now that I am NOT broken. Matter of fact, now I tell folks that I OWN my weirdness and that everyone has a weird aspect!